It's Not Fair Living With a 100 yr. old Susan Lucci

This is not "All My Children," but the wiles of a 100 year old living her own soap opera is enough to drive anyone crazy. It's age, it's senility, it's dementia--no one ever comes out and says "Sometimes, she is just plain mean." No one ever says that and I am asked by my husband and daughters to just bite my tongue and forget, things cannot possibly go on forever. That all depends on perspective and from where I am sitting, I think "Yes, it could so possibly."

The matriarch told her niece in Southwestern Ontario I wasn't putting on a party for her 100th birthday because I needed the money to send my children to school.

I said no such thing I told her.

Well, that's the reason, really.

No, it is not. I asked you about a reception; I asked my husband; I was just going to put one on but my daughters said you wouldn't like it. We are going to the Keg at your request. Did you tell your niece you've invited all your nieces from Barrie? That my husband is paying for them to have dinner? Did you say anything about that?

Well, no, but really a reception would have been too expensive.

A reception would have been a heck of a lot cheaper than dinner for 14 at the Keg and accommodations for your in-laws. Did you say your sister-in-law is coming into town for the dinner? Did you tell your niece we are arranging for a bed and breakfast? Did you invite your niece? (Yes, I know I got a little hot under the collar!)

Well, no, I didn't do that. I was a little upset about my nephew. (The nephew in Chatham, ON has just been diagnosed with terminal leukemia. The matriarch just found out and I do feel sorry for her; yet another of the third generation is dying.)

But you weren't upset enough not to make up a lie about my children.

The matriarch then tried to tell me I didn't understand; all I could think of was the daring to use my daughters as an excuse, to outright lie about them.

You know, my husband would never begrudge you anything...if you wanted a party, you would have one. But to tell everyone, I will not throw you one and then tell my husband, You don't want one. Well, that is just not fair.

Please note at no time during this discussion did the matriarch apologize. I feel awful and regret just not putting on a reception. Had the matriarch not first explicitly told my husband she didn't want anything big for 100th birthday, it probably would have happened. But I have already invited her Barrie nieces to dinner at the Keg; I cannot afford both a dinner and a reception. It didn't even occur to me to invite the family in Chatham; it's not like they check in the way the family in Barrie does.

But it seems to me the matriarch wanted the drama--suffering from boredom, perhaps? I don't know. But it is terrible to know I am the one to have to face people knowing what the matriarch has said about me and my family. Once, my mother asked me if I thought the matriarch was scared of me. The question bothered me to no end; I kept thinking in my head about everything we do and I honestly don't think she could be frightened. But, now, I am beginning to realize the power of a 100 year old woman over my life; and, I am very scared.