Old, Blind and Alone

Not a nice description of the matriarch is it? How does one make life better for such a person?
Ultimately, life is about living, I think, and not being entertained, so no matter how many times we go out for lunch, the spa, the hairdressers, there are only so many activities I can encourage the matriarch to do, there is only so much entertainment I can offer. There is a reality to the fact, all individuals live most alone in their heads; they can easily choose to participate in the world or not,but life is governed by how we, individuals, choose to see the world and how we choose to participate in it. An old, blind senior is most responsible for how they see the world--though, I might be responsible for almost everything else from hygiene on, the matriarch is the one with the world view.

Two things happened recently that have motivated me to think about how things work in this world. We went to Easter Dinner at my parents' house; they gave the matriarch a basket with chocolates. A lovely thought. Both before and after the meal, the matriarch discussed her desire for Werthers' caramels (No surprise) as a gift from my parents. So, obviously, she was disappointed. My point is the matriarch expressed no desire to share Easter with her son, grandchildren, or my parents--it's a given, I don't count; she didn't ask me to buy cards or chocolates, no mention of anything at all. But, the matriarch was very focused on what she would get--like a child at Christmas. And, I think it is very easy to write this kind of thought off as the activity of a self-centred senior; perhaps, I should have reminded her of the holidays. But, the matriarch knew it was the holidays; she knew it was Easter, she knew to expect candy. When my mother-in-law complained to me about no one buying her her specific type of candies, I remarked she had made no thought for anyone else over the holidays.

The matriarch was smart enough to reply by saying she was old and no longer thought of anyone else. What do you say to that? Is it true?

The second event involves my girlfriend's grandmother in a home after a stroke has left her unable to communicate. The woman understands everything but responds with a gibberish that is heartbreaking. And, she gets very angry, almost violent, when she realizes no one can understand her. Yet, her grand-daughter, my friend's daughter, has visited the woman once a week, every week for the past eight years. I think that is so admirable. But, then of the 7 days in a week, the woman only has a visitor 1 day. Other than that, she sits in her room, unable to communicate and with no one with whom to visit. Can I criticize the situation?

So, the matriarch is a selfish old so-and-so; but I try my best; the old lady in the home is alone in her misery but her grand-daughter tries her best. Do old people also have a responsibility to temper their anger at their individual situations? Growing old is not for the weak of heart.