Happy Birthday (to me)

Today was my birthday and the matriarch was horribly upset she didn't get me a card.

Now, the history of the birthday card is long but short: my husband and I have been together for 19 years, we dated for 2, total of 21 years together, for better or for worse. Only once has my mother-in-law ever thought about getting me a birthday card; that one time would be this year. I know it is not personal; even if it was, it doesn't matter; it is not like I was expecting one. But, holy crow, did she get mad at my husband for not getting me one!

It is not often I hear the matriarch get vocally loud and angry at someone other than me. I know I never hear her say my husband has done anything wrong. But today, boy oh boy, I almost took secret pleasure in knowing my mother-in-law was upset at someone other than me. It was almost a birthday wish watching my husband listen to his mother and then complain to me and me being able to say, "Don't take it so personally; it's not like it matters."

It is so difficult to navigate this road of my mother-in-law being this lady capable of self-responsibility and also being this person, at times, almost careless with their independence and so desperately needy. Had the matriarch suggested to my husband to pick me up a card, it wouldn't have been a problem. My husband did not even remotely consider that I wouldn't even think to pick up a birthday card for my self on my mother-in-law's behalf. The point being, of course, had the matriarch asked either of us to pick up a card, or had she even asked one of the children to buy a card, it would have been done. But we can't just assume to know what she wants because there are those times that have happened when we acted on an assumption and were wrong. For example, I have already taken the matriarch to the store to buy my child's birthday card and the date is in December. It is so easy to recognize this strange state of knowing what the matriarch wants once it has passed; I can almost tell instinctively when the woman is hungry--yes, it is all the time and as long as sugar is involved, there is never a problem; but, for my husband, dealing with his mother is more difficult and more cerebral. He cannot read her mind. I wonder as I write this if nurses in old age homes ever have to navigate this confusing loss of independence. It is a loss, after all, it is not like the matriarch can just act on any of her wants; she must always wait for someone else to be available to satisfy them. One doesn't know what to do to empathize with the situation....