And You Want Me to do What?

The other day, the matriarch and I went to the local Re-Store to drop off a donation of a toilet. I had gotten it from my father, it was new and I didn't need it--may as well give it away...The matriarch came with me for the drive and the workers at the Re-Store couldn't believe I had an 100 year old lady in the van. One fellow, while I was in the shop looking for the person in charge of donations, had come up to the van and asked the matriarch what she wanted done. The window was open and the two got talking; he was very nice, patient with my mother-in-law, and suitably impressed such an old lady had come for a drive. They were all very nice. Of course, they couldn't believe I was taking the matriarch out for a drive while I did my errands.

I have been told I shouldn't demand so much from my mother-in-law. It didn't occur to me that I was demanding a lot from her; the matriarch likes going for drives; gas is too expensive to just drive around; so, I take her with me when I have to pop over to the bank, the gas station, drop videos off at the store; it gets her out of the house and the matriarch wants to come. But, I have been told, it is inappropriate for me to take the matriarch out, to take her round to all the stores I must visit, errands I must do. Such an old woman should stay in her room.

Maybe I am wrong to offer the rides to the matriarch...I don't force her to come. I offer her the opportunity of going for a drive and she has the option of saying, "No."

She doesn't.

And, I don't take her shopping or leave her alone in the van for extended periods of time; she comes along to keep me company. I feel defensive because I have been told it is wrong. I shouldn't be taking the matriarch out so much; she could die; she could have an accident; I could have an accident. The point is what? At 99, 11 months and 13 days, the matriarch could die anyhow. The woman can be in her room or she can be out driving around in the world. It isn't wrong to let the old see the world. It makes me more comfortable when the matriarch wants to be out and about; it's better than going for lunch all the time. It is less draining than seeing her sit in her room waiting for visitors that never come--except her family, my parents, the children, my husband and me. It is just weird how used to isolating the elderly society has become; it is as though people don't want to see the inevitable, as though we are denying one day all of us become old.

On Saturday, I listened to "The Age of Persuasion" by Terry O'Reilly and Mike Tennant. They discussed how advertisers are currently governed by account managers in their thirties; thus, advertising is mostly youthful. But, the strongest market is actually the baby boomers and they are in their forties, fifties and sixties. Maybe account managers also play on an anxiety baby boomers have about aging? I wonder. Old Age homes have become so prominent and we are so used to thinking the final steps in life involve a warehouse waiting to die, we don't consider the merits or morals of such a choice. The old do tend to be shuttered away to live out the last of their days. The matriarch drives me crazy. Is it because she is old or because she is a demanding mother-in-law? Is it wrong for me to take for a drive? Or is it better to let her sit in her room?