Elder Abuse

Probably not a sympathetic post....

In Toronto, there is a horrific case of elder abuse:

http://www.thestar.com/news/crime/article/946088--woman-housed-in-garage-had-box-of-diapers-bucket-of-water?bn=1

Now, the senior citizen involved was suffering from dementia and, while this does not in any way excuse the family, it highlights how frustrating it can be to live with someone who is no longer themselves. Their personhood, in a sense, has been lost. My mother-in-law is perfectly fine but she drives me crazy because she is not the person "I" want her to be and that is not fair to her. I don't know when needing help deteriorates into a complete loss of independence but I can say it is very hard to live within the ambiguous state of helping verses serving. The matriarch sleeps in the master bedroom, we use her dishes, and life, whether we like it or not, in some ways, is orchestrated around her routine. And, this sort of life keeps her alive; it is hard and I don't know if many are willing to live it. It would be so much easier if there was help; my husband is an only child; there is no one else to share the responsibility. And, I think that idea is key. Family is a shared responsibility.

It sounds very conservative, in the traditional family values perspective, to say family membership is a responsibility, but it is. I think we have gotten so use to putting our children in daycares and our seniors in old age facilities we forget those institutions are not there to replace family but only to help with the raising and caregiving of the old and young. A society is judged by how they treat the very old and very young. I think, in fact I deeply believe, we as a society neglect both generations. If there is one thing immigration has done to family, it has allowed people to think distance denies responsibility to blood; in fact, I think it betrays it.

The senior in the article has a second child; where was the help to the family? I know it is not mentioned but these situations arise when one family member, or their family, is left alone to struggle with a senior, with or without dementia, and the burden is very hard. It is no excuse but, while that one adult child did this to the mother, the other child did nothing--including not phone authorities about conditions. That must be acknowledged, too. The state offers all kinds of help to the infirm and fragile elderly. So, there is no excuse for this type of situation to arise. Anyhow, it is a tragic situation.

I must go. We're taking the matriarch to Swiss Chalet, today. The weather has been so windy she hasn't been able to go out much. Now, spring is arrived (almost), I hope she will return to sitting out on the front porch a bit. Let the world know she is still alive in all senses of the word.