I Fought the Toaster and the Toaster Won

It has been one of those days hot, muggy, and desperately still in the air.  The matriarch has not been happy in the heat.  In fact, to say she has been unhappy is an understatement. In a parallel event, the toaster died honourably earlier in the week and I have been making the matriarch toast over the stove burner; we have a gas stove, I didn't want to buy a new toaster, it seemed a most convenient option.  Obviously, in this heat, I am suffering from delusions.

I can give you money for the toaster, you know.

It's not that.  I just didn't want to buy one right now.

Why?  You need one.

It is ridiculous to pay over one hundred dollars for a toaster.  I don't need one that badly.

What about my toast in the morning?  You can buy one at Walmart for less than one hundred dollars.

I don't shop at Walmart.  You have had toast all week and you haven't noticed.

I noticed when the toaster died on Friday.

(Obviously, I cannot reveal the toaster has really been dying for over a week and completely non-functional since Monday.)

I don't need money for a toaster; I'll buy one for next week.

What about my toast in the morning?

Okay.  I'll go get you a toaster.

Can I come with you?

Are you going to get out of the car?  It's too hot to sit in the car.

I don't want to get out of the car and into the heat.  Leave the car on and the air conditioning running.

No, I can't do that.  It would be a waste and I won't do it.

I don't see what the big deal is...park at Walmart and run in and get the toaster and leave the air conditioning on for me.

I don't shop at Walmart.  I won't leave the car on.  So, I'm sorry you can't come with me.

It's terribly to realize I am as obdurate as my mother-in-law.  It shouldn't be such a big deal.  In the end, my oldest and I went out and bought a toaster for less than an hundred dollars at a place that wasn't Walmart.  We didn't leave the air conditioning on or the car running and the matriarch was furious with me.  I should be able to take her out in this heat and she should be able to sit in a running car while I shop.  How often can this want really need to be satisfied?

Do you honestly really want me to answer that?