The matriarch stays here because it is better than anywhere else; I complain, I gripe; she complains, she gripes...but, really, she eats well, gets out, sees people. I don't know what the best situation is for seniors; the matriarch and I agree, sitting in an old age home waiting to die, no matter how nice the home, is not ideal. The matriarch has heard horror stories of how some old people are forced to live and she does not want that life. From what I understand, no matter what kind of place is available, the elderly want to be involved in their family's lives; there never comes a point where they choose not to participate....although, sometimes, family members may not realize or choose to ignore this. It is easier to forget what an old person must endure...
My latest horror story: my friend's mother-in-law had a stroke at 94; she had lived on her own, in her own house, and she still rode the subway. The hospital treated her well and the woman was sent to recuperate at a rehabilitation centre. There, she was put in "Depends" because it was easier than having a nurse assist her with going to the toilet. This woman was not in difficulty; she was just needing time to rehabilitate and to have some help. She still had her dignity. My friend had to go and fight for her mother-in-law to have assistance and not wear diapers. She had to explain to a nurse that just because her mother-in-law was 94 did not mean she was an invalid. My friend was called one night six weeks after the stroke and informed her mother-in-law had died. Alone. In diapers. My friend swears that loss of dignity killed her mother-in-law, not the stroke, not her age.
It is my greatest fear to have the matriarch endure something for the convenience of an institution rather than having a choice in her treatment. I know it is not surprising for the elderly to die; I cannot really believe I am still helping my mother-in-law after all this time; but, it is wrong to watch a person suffer for the sake of numbers...be they financial ones or statistical expectations or hourly rates. There is something terribly wrong to let a society be so governed...I keep thinking a civilization is judged by how it treats its very young and its old and our society is not doing a very good job.
When I took my mother-in-law to the spa yesterday, they treated her to a manicure and a pedicure for her birthday. It was extremely nice of them. They are a Chinese brother and sister who jointly own the spa; their mother, also elderly, lives with the brother and the sister's children are under foot and present while school is out. My point is they completely understood having the elderly and the young present in the everyday; they made it look so easy.
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