The thing about old people is, unless they choose to do something productive with their time, they do nothing except think. Maybe I am being harsh but I have found the happiest seniors are those who look outside themselves and not just at the grandchildren; it is amazing how great and how large the world can be if one just looks beyond the mirror. The matriarch had a lovely lunch with my mother yesterday; she came home with plans to do it again. Today. I really don't think my mother-in-law understands, rationally understands, people have lives when they are not with her. Maybe solipsism is a sign of dementia, I don't know, but I had to explain to my mother-in-law that people cannot go out for lunch everyday: they don't want to, they have other obligations, they can't afford it. It was like an insult to her.
I am dreading taking her to the doctor again. The dementia is getting worse and I think more activity makes it so but I hate having to discuss the situation with the doctor in front of her. It is better for the matriarch to get out. But I notice whenever I take her for a drive, her eye gets red and swollen and looks painful but she says there is no pain. Is it the dementia or a willingness to put up with pain rather than lose the daily drives? Whenever we do lunch, always on a Wednesday, she wonders if we can do it again on the Friday because we haven't been out all week. Has she forgotten my husband takes her for lunch on Saturdays or that we were just out or she just wants another day? Dementia is weird when it strikes the very old; my mother-in-law cannot draw a twelve hour clock, she stops at five; she usually gets the dates wrong, but not the day of the week; she anticipates events that have already happened, like the wedding, but worries about the future, like dinner tomorrow. And, I know she won't like me talking about her changes with someone, even her doctor who is a very nice man, outside of the family.
The last odd thing that is becoming more frequent is my mother-in-law's responses to questions; she says: "I have a clear conscience." I haven't a clue why she has chosen to use that phrase. She has told me she has no regrets in her life and she sleeps easily. There are things I know she has done which I would seriously regret but I have a very different moral code. Maybe our morals and acceptance of things change as we age; I understand our sympathies grow but I wonder about our conscience; I have thoughts that sometimes keep me awake.
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Perhaps your mother-in-law is trying to tell YOU something about YOUR morality, YOUR ethics, and YOUR conscience! Old people tend to do that, prick you when you think you are doing your best. Even though they are more selfish, the elderly get immature and behave very child-like, and become very insecure. They tend to notice and feel the vibs other people send. Like young children, however badly they behave, they need to be loved and hugged often. There is nothing more important to an elderly person than warmth and empathy, especially when it comes for their family, their loved ones.
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