Maybe I am Wrong?

So, today was a new day with my mother-in-law deciding she wanted to join TOPS.  It is a diet group, Take Pounds Off Sensibly.  I asked "Where did this idea come from?"

My mother-in-law eats a lot, and I mean that seriously, but she is a tiny woman, less than 4'8" and healthy but not heavy.  TOPS apparently does a luncheon for Christmas and she wants to go; I told her she would have to join the group and dieting would not be a good activity for her.  I asked her if she wanted me to phone the company to see if she could join their Christmas Outing.  Her old neighbour, who had told her about TOPS, had failed to mention there was a membership; she had only told my mother-in-law she was going for lunch.  This precipitated two questions a) if the neighbour has diabetes, why is she eating out? and b) what is her husband doing (as in, would he like company for lunch?)?  Eating out is a big deal for my mother-in-law and I am not being derogatory when I say she would live at Swiss Chalet, she really is happiest there.

I wish sometimes I had more sympathy for my mother-in-law; I wish I was wrong about a lot of my thoughts.  But, then, she has been here for a year now and before that, I was her main caregiver for ten years; I used to drive over to her house, sometimes daily, to insure her independence.  She still feels independent here.  Every night before she goes to bed, the family, all of us, kiss her good night and every morning, she is welcomed to the breakfast table; so, I know we try to make it work.  But I also know, a senior who chooses to watch television rather than listen to grandchildren play piano is making their own choice.  I know none of this is personal, how could we live if it was?  But I also know, some habits are ingrained, despite mild dementia, and I don't know if they'd be any different if my mother-in-law was a younger woman.

Sometimes, I think it would be so much easier to put her into a home; of course it would because then I wouldn't have to think about her or worry.  I would have to make myself believe she was in good care.  But, I don't believe that and I think, no matter how good a home is, it is not family care.  Because for all these stories and, lately, the difficult times, I honestly love my mother-in-law and I am glad she is here.