At dinner, this evening, like 5 minutes ago, my mother-in-law accused me of not feeding my children--ever. And, my husband, partner, love of my life, began laughing. The matriarch thinks I am too busy to feed my children breakfast, lunch and dinner. Thank goodness for my oldest: "We had breakfast!" and for my middle child "We had lunch at the ski chalet!"
My husband is on holidays this week and it is his turn to do Granny-care and, although it is his mother, there are obvious issues. So, naturally, I am taking the children all over the place--well, actually, I am taking them skiing all the time; we took a gamble on a cheap pass last summer and I am making sure we get our money's worth in case this wonderful snow disappears. Anyhow, my husband really enjoys taking care of his mother-please understand I am being sarcastic; they did lunch today at Montana's and she brought home her uneaten ribs so he could have dinner. He thought this was funny until the matriarch told him, at dinner, he could have something to eat. My husband pointed out I had made stew and the matriarch responded with a request for peanut butter and jam on toast. I am trying to be charitable, really, I am. But I mouthed the words to my husband: "You owe me BIG TIME!"
Of course, these are memory issues and age things and whatever goes on between a mother and her only son, but it is also crazy and distracting. I get terribly defensive. I get terribly defensive when I have made a stew and put it in the crock pot so there is nothing to do at dinner time but set the table and the mother-in-law thinks I am asking my husband to do too much. But, then, she turns around and tells me, not my husband, that I am taking her shopping tomorrow because there are only 9 days left to Christmas and she needs to buy the children their gift cards--please note not gifts, giftcards.
Of course, to be fair, I smiled at her and told her my husband was taking her shopping because I was taking the children to piano.
I am reading Dr. Sloan's "A Bitter Pill," a book about the fragile elderly and I so admire his patience and agree with his ideas. To be honest, as the matriarch ages and she is aging very fast right now, she is becoming extremely cantankerous and independently minded. But I still have to be kind and patient and not scream and yell that she is an extremely selfish woman. Imagine coming home from a skiing adventure, kids pink cheeked and happy, smell of Christmas in the air and the first thing the matriarch says is, "I had a wonderful lunch today and I won't be needing dinner." No concern for what the children got up to, how they were skiing, if they had a nice time. Dr. Sloan talks about how to take care of the elderly and the elderly person's caregiver but I don't know how to deal with that person inside me that wants to say to the matriarch "You were a selfish woman and you are a selfish woman and you need to get over it NOW!" I know I can't and I won't but the desire is still there. The matriarch asked me if I could go to work and my husband retire. This is what I live with and she thinks it would improve if my husband was home all the time. Like he would take her for lunch every Wednesday and Saturday???
Oh, he probably would....
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