Stuart McLean and Meditations on Petulance

The matriarch and I listened to the "Vinyl Cafe" yesterday lunchtime and she told me Stuart McLean had a nice voice. I asked her if she would like to listen to some of his "Dave and Morley" stories; the children own all of Stuart McLean's cds. We once went to see the radio taping of the "Stuart McLean's Christmas at the Vinyl Cafe." My youngest child also happened to be the youngest member of the audience and won a free cd; Santa Claus brought the rest of the collection as presents. So, now, the matriarch has something to do. It is about time.

At my friend's suggestion, we have tried radio dramas before; the matriarch has refused everything the library in town has and the versions of "The Shadow" I own. She won't listen to books on tape and she isn't a music oriented person. The matriarch has been sitting in silence in her room, for days on end, interrupted only in the evenings with "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy." Saturday nights are for "Cops" and "America's Most Wanted." She used to listen to the children practice piano and guitar but has withdrawn into her room to listen from upstairs; I like to think she still listens despite her absence from the family room. You know, you can't force a person to participate in family life; sometimes, it seems they are almost afraid of laughter. My husband has told me not to take the matriarch so personally; he recognizes his mother for what she is and I want her to be something she is not. Not everyone's granny is going to be a little old lady who bakes cookies for children; some are going to be individuals who really want something undefinable from the world and resent the fact they cannot get it.

Saturday, the matriarch spent the entire day in her room complaining of cold and not eating anything. She had no fever and I did not know what was wrong; she did eat breakfast but no snacks throughout the day and no lunch. At 2 o'clock, I phoned the nurse at Telehealth Ontario. The only change we could account for in the matriarch's routine was the addition of the Cumidin, the blood thinner with the side effect of more easily felt cold. The Cumidin had started Friday evening and it would be difficult to accept the side affect would be so immediate; the matriarch's annoyance at being on the medication, however, is obvious. My husband wants to see the doctor and make the argument the Cumidin is not worth the effort; my mother-in-law doesn't want to be on it and her wishes should be the deciding factor in her health management. However, that fear of stroke lies over our heads and the possibility she could survive a stroke, disabled, is a terrible fear.

What amazes me is the petulant nature of the matriarch's behaviour; she stayed in her room and refused to eat but what she had to eat in order to take her medication. She does what she has to do to stay alive. My oldest child made a beautiful dinner for Saturday night supper; all my children cook really well; the meal was fennel rubbed pork chops with orange sauce, mashed potatoes, and a medley of vegetables: parsnips, brussel sprouts and carrots. The matriarch's favourite vegetables and mashed potatoes and a sauce she could use as a gravy; the woman chose to eat bread and jam, no peanut butter even. I think to myself the only one she is punishing is herself; it is as though, the matriarch has a slightly masochistic attitude toward life--she is going to live despite herself.