The Cost of Alzheimers

My friend's mother-in-law has Alzheimers; she has been put in a home because the care she requires is too much for my friend's family to manage. Like me, the husband is an only child. Like me, my friend would be the one to do most of the work. Unlike our situation, the husband was quite close to his parents and he is devastated by the illness that has taken his mother. And, she was young; I know age changes as we age but for someone not seventy to be completely taken by Alzheimers, I cannot help but feel the woman was too young.

I saw my friend's husband in a photo quite recently and he looks terrible; the stress of the situation seems to be aging him. There is quite an age difference between my husband and myself and this fellow is 7 years younger than me, but he looks, really looks, older than my husband. As an aside, the longer I am married the more I think I am matching my husband for looks age-wise; if anything, marriage seems to have taken years off him and added them to me..what is it they say about married men being the happiest? Anyhow, stress is a dreadful thing and there is a cost to it; I know in some of my posts the stress of taking care of the matriarch has been quite evident. Reading some of them I have illustrated classic signs of depression, but I don't think it shows in my face. Generally, I still think I am a mostly happy person.

My husband, in our discussion, about this friend's husband made a point about me being responsible for his mother's longevity. If I didn't take care of his mother, she likely would have died by now. It kind of sucks to know I am responsible for my own hell--but, then, there are days when the matriarch is a lot of fun or unintentionally funny and I should write about them more often. I don't know if Alzheimers is ever amusing--and I don't know if institutionalizing people who are, in a sense, already dead helpful. The Inuit used to have a tradition of the old walking off into the dark to be on their own when they knew they could no longer contribute. But I don't think our culture ever admits its age and the old spend an awful lot of time still thinking they are young. Mick Jagger is older than my father, for example--I think that is kind of creepy. But I still don't think institutionalizing people who are, mentally, psychically, spiritually dead beneficial to the family. But I don't know if euthanasia is any better or more fair.

My friend's husband is not yet forty and looks almost seventy. So, there is something wrong somewhere for the cost of care to be so high; it shows in his very being. But then, I look in the mirror and wonder if the situation shows in my face? There is a great deal of sympathy drawn from the moral good; I know, in my heart, my family is doing the right thing by the matriarch. I wonder if my friend's husband will ever feel that way.