It drives me crazy to no end to have people email me and tell me I am doing a good thing for my mother-in-law and I have joy and patience in my heart. Read the posts, people, if it was easy, everyone could do this. The tragedy is not many people do take care of the old. If my posts can inspire one person to take the time to go and visit an elderly relative or a neighbour and relieve someone else of a burden, then this whole taking care of my mother-in-law will have been worthwhile. Someone in some situation would have gotten a break.
Obviously, my mother-in-law is angry at me and I resent the frustration the matriarch is currently inflicting on me, in particular, and on my family in general. One thing I must admit to admire about the character of my husband is his ability to shrug it all off; he does not carry a grudge and, if he cannot change a situation, he just grins and bears it. Come to think of it, he is driving me crazy, too.
The matriarch is annoyed we are eating too fast. Can you believe it? Apparently, she has been complaining to my husband about how she is always the last at the dinner table. My husband has grinned and born it. The woman brought her annoyance up this evening in a very calm, no yelling manner, and the children and I are eating too fast. She never criticizes her son.
At breakfast, lately, I have started the matriarch's meal as soon as she gets up; the children wander in later and eat their cereal, grandma is still eating, the children finish their cereal, grandma still at it, I eat my toast or whatever keeping company with the last of grandma's endeavours. No complaints. Had I known, I would have worked something out for dinner. The woman is almost 100, it takes her forever to eat. The meals, but for the bread, are almost all kind of liquidy or mashed, but the matriarch eats pulling the crusts off each individual slice of bread and dipping the remnant in the gravy or sauce to soften it up before she gums it down. This is what the old and toothless are like; it's not pretty and it's not fair and the children are pretty good at not watching it and eating and excusing themselves when they are finished. My husband and I usually remain, drinking our tea, while the matriarch finishes. I don't know why a woman who spits out food would become self-conscious about her timing; I tend to think it would be the other way around. However, it really and truly peeves me that the matriarch thinks the children should adjust their routine. I should adjust my routine. My husband can go and grin out of my sight.
This is not old age, this is selfishness. Maybe this is control. I don't know. I keep telling myself: do not show anger, do not get upset; at 99, the matriarch has earned the right to be like this. In my heart of hearts, I think not. I think it is mean.
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You *are* doing a good thing for your mother-in-law and no, there's nothing easy about it. I admire you, I really do. So, so many frustrating things you are dealing with on a daily basis I'm really surprised you haven't gone bonkers yet or completely lost it. You and your girls have sacrificed so much. I do think it's a little different for the son, at least it is in our home. Ivan can deal with some of the things his mother does in ways that I can never. I can hardly ignore the things she does and says. I'll bring something up to him at a later time and he'll have totally forgotten it even happened! >:/
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