Incompetence

Giving up is not the same thing as losing control though I think, sometimes, I confuse the two. The matriarch has mild, very mild, dementia which basically amounts to some confusion, sometimes. It is unpredictable, irregular and I am not supposed to think she uses it on a whim--however, there are times I suspect she does. My big problem, and it is harsh, is my belief people should realize they are aging. My husband, who I tend to forget is almost 60, thinks age is all in the mind and I should get over my expectations. But, then, he is not the one who has to take a 99 year old woman to a beauty salon and explain her wishes to a twenty year old who hasn't a clue but that he is dealing with one very old lady. Of course, I want control; it would make things easier and, of course, there is guilt because easy disrespects my mother-in-law's competency. She knows what is up despite me often thinking she doesn't. It's not done on schedule, this becoming old and losing one's mind. Maybe in a home, my mother-in-law would be on schedule and not to do things to annoy people--my husband figures if his mother didn't have the option of driving people crazy, she'd be dead. But it is hard to reconcile age, wisdom (and, yes, I am giving more credit than normally) and the reality that things fall apart even when we won't admit it.