I Don't Live With Morrie

Somewhere in this house is the literary gem, "Tuesdays with Morrie." My mother gave it to me, I think, to help me cope with my mother-in-law. The matriarch is not the problem; I am the problem because most seniors, especially those lived with, are not Morrie. I never read the book but I believe the writer was a former student of Morrie's and they spent afternoons in intellectual and enlightening discussion. It wasn't always "Let's do lunch."

It has really begun to dawn on me, and let's face it, lately, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, that women, especially female caregivers, really have a rotten deal. Of course, my husband values what I am doing and, I imagine, my children do; however, I think people really don't understand when one says "No respite care," one means it. I don't think, other than fellow caregivers, most people understand that not leaving a senior alone for an extended time means I am on a time leash. It's not personal, it is just my responsibility for this woman does not end. Ever. Until she does. Sometimes, I don't realize how draining it can be on me until I have hit a wall and knock myself into despair.

Sometimes I wish I could appreciate my mother-in-law more. I wish I could like her more. Some days are easier than others; she is not a Morrie character--not even close. My friend's husband died unexpectedly this week; another friend's mother-in-law also passed away. The matriarch wanted to go to both funerals. I have this feeling Morrie wasn't the kind of guy who wanted to socialize at funerals. The matriarch probably isn't either; however, she either wanted to go for the food or to prove she is still alive. It is like a banner she wants to display: I'm still here (and you aren't). I don't know what she was thinking but my husband had to step in and explain she couldn't go. One of my children asked why grandma wasn't invited to the funeral. It's like a select group, only, gets to go to funerals and children and grannies aren't in it. Can you believe we actually had this discussion?