Inspired by Actual Events

Blood clinic today except the sink in the bathroom is plugged; my turn to take the matriarch. Along the drive, my mother-in-law mentions, four times no less, how nice lunch was at the fish and chip restaurant with my husband yesterday. I nod. We go to the blood clinic, her blood is drawn and we drive home whereupon the matriarch again mentions the fish and chip shop.

"I can't take you for fish and chips, I'm making fish for supper."

The matriarch is a little perturbed, but we get home and I discover the sink in the bathroom is no longer plugged, but the bath and shower drain is. My husband is working on it in conjunction with a 3-D puzzle he has spread out on the dining room table. I am now a little perturbed.

The matriarch runs up to her room to wait for me to make her lunch and my attitude inspires my husband to go back upstairs to the washroom and take another look at the plumbing. The children are painting their Latin projects on my kitchen table. I make the children lunch, which they eat while avoiding paint and tell my husband I will take the children to piano and that I hope to return to a functioning shower. My mother-in-law comes down for lunch and reveals quite the concern for the non-functioning bath and shower drain. I leave with the children for piano only to return 3 hours later to discover my husband is now working on his mother's drains. Apparently, her drain is mildly plugged as well and my husband and I discover she has been stuffing something down her drain. Neither one of us wants to know what but my husband gets it cleaned out and tells the matriarch nothing goes down the drain but water. Only water. He means it.

With my non-functioning shower still on my mind, I give up on my husband and go out and get liquid plumber. Thankfully, my husband, who is obviously not a plumber, is a cook and the fish and, now apparently, chips are on for supper. He has gotten my oldest child to make home made coleslaw and a beautiful dinner is in preparation. Only when the shower drain is plugged,my youngest child's piano recital on in the morning (did I mention that commitment?) and Latin projects are due, would my husband choose to make a labour intensive meal. And, the matriarch comes down the stairs looking for someone to turn her television set on because on foggy days like this she cannot see--as opposed to those sunny days when she closes her blinds and can see. The liquid plumber does not work.

At 9 o'clock, I go out to get something else to try and unplug the drain, annoyance with my husband increasing by the second. He does the dishes with Johnson's baby shampoo because along with 2 bottles of liquid plumber not being in the house, we also have no dish washing liquid. He neglects to inform me of this before I go out the second time. The matriarch begins to pace because the fact we have no functioning shower and she does could mean intrusion into her private space. I return home to Latin projects in my dining room, a completed three dimensional puzzle of the Canadian House of Commons, dishes a bit weird and the matriarch saying we can use her shower in the morning. And, she goes to bed. No good nights for fear of showers, I think.