Indestructible

Sunday past, I had to go down to Waterloo, pick up my child, return home (a total of 340 km), get my children to their dance recital and make dinner. It nearly killed me. My mother-in-law also fell down a couple of stairs and nearly killed herself...except she got back up and there wasn't a bother on her. I begin to suspect she will live forever.

My own mother annoyed the matriarch by suggesting she may need a cane or a walker. They are for old people and whatever my mother-in-law is, she is not old. I have to support her views in this. If you don't use it, you lose it and I suspect if my mother-in-law had to rely on anyone or anything, she would lose her independence, her self-reliance, and she would die. It is only by continuing to do things that, for the most part annoy me, the matriarch is able to keep her will to live and have some sort of life. I may judge it unfairly but I do recognize it is her life. To slowly take away the things that give it reason is to deny her right to life. I hope I am making sense. My husband is going to hate this but I begin to think retirement is not all it is made up to be--life is what you make it and I think people who no longer work or volunteer or choose to do something diminish their value in society. It becomes very easy to put old, no longer useful people away and leave them in homes; after all, they are no longer viewed as having something to contribute. I don't know which comes first: is it a thought to remove oneself from involvement or does an elder feel pushed?

After the dance recital, I took my parents, the matriarch and the children out for ice cream. The matriarch didn't want ice cream. She did want Swiss Chalet. I was accused of not feeding my children, not making sure they eat when they should and, above all, not wanting to go to Swiss Chalet. No one, but the mother-in-law, wanted to go to Swiss Chalet. In the end, I ran into town for a single take-out at Swiss Chalet; came home and made dinner for the children (yes, that was already in the plan); then, served dinner for the matriarch and the family. And, of course, the matriarch did not eat because she did not want Swiss Chalet on her own, she wanted to go out to eat at the restaurant. Did I mention I had driven over 300 km in one day? Did I mention the children had a dance recital and were REALLY tired? Did I mention, all illustrations to the contrary, my children like my cooking and didn't want to go out to eat? The matriarch went to bed early because she was tired.

Sometimes it seems I do not have any sympathy for my mother-in-law. Of course, I do. When my mother told me the matriarch had fallen down a few stairs on the way to the washroom at the concert hall, I was worried. But, the woman got back up again and surprised my mother by not wanting her assistance. For all intents and purposes, my mother-in-law is blind but she refuses a cane and says she can see. She is going to fall now and again and it is her own fault. Does that sound cold? What do I do? Limit her adventures to our home? No longer take her out? Stop with the Swiss Chalet? This week, we are going to a Mother's Day tea, my husband will take her for fish and chips, she has a trip to the blood clinic, and, on Friday, she is going to the nail salon. I guess I could be more careful and let her sit in her room. That would be quite a life.