The Sound and the Fury

Of late, the matriarch and I are not getting along. The matriarch has a cold and is cranky. I know these things. But she has also been exceptionally selfish, self-centred? I don't know what the appropriate term is but she has really annoyed me. I know I should be more sympathetic. I know I should behave in a more sensitive way. But, right now, it is really hard. Really, really hard.

It began when I, singular, took my father for lunch. For his birthday. The matriarch was outspoken about her annoyance about not accompanying me. As if that wasn't bad enough, the woman made a point of saying her cold was gone and she was well enough to go out. It wasn't happening with me and my husband took the children to their piano so it wasn't happening with him, either. She did not get to go out for lunch (still had her daily drive and everything, but that wasn't good enough).

Next day, the matriarch asked me to phone her sister-in-law. Not a problem, I dial the phone for her all the time. But she wanted me to act as intermediary with the phone because the matriarch felt her voice wasn't strong enough to carry across the wires. I told the matriarch I could dial the phone for her but I was not going to be an echo for her. I have 3 children. These phone calls to the matriarch's sister-in-law can last an hour; I don't have the time, I don't think the matriarch was that sick, I didn't see why the phone call had to be made. My husband figured the matriarch wanted to go for a visit; if she felt well enough to travel, she should have felt well enough to make the phone call. I was furious to think she really may expect me to be her servant. I told her (out loud, as in for real) I have no problem helping her, but I thought she was taking me for granted.

My husband, talking about his mother, asked me what did I expect from a woman who shakes her cup at me when she wants tea? It has been this way his whole life. Go with it.

You know you try to be sympathetic and kind. The matriarch is blind, she is old, she is fragile. But there is no excuse for such meanness. I don't know how old people get this way. The matriarch told me she had $10 000 dollars in the bank. I responded with "So." I don't know if she was trying to buy my servitude or create some sort of intimidation; the money will hardly cover her funeral.

Today, I took her to the blood clinic and shopping: more bananas, more chips, and 2 more bags of Werther's Caramels. The nurse at the clinic didn't even ask about her cold; so, it really isn't that bad and I shouldn't feel guilty about the phone call. And I hate feeling this way and I wish the matriarch could be a nicer person.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I will try harder.