Funny How Things Seem...

My mother-in-law was ill last year and I arranged her funeral at my husband's request. He was scared because he honestly thought, and so did I and so did the doctors in the hospital, that she would die. She didn't. Although I am cavalier about her presence here, the matriarch is part of the family and I would do anything for her the same way I would do anything for my children. She is not prioritized ahead of my children or my husband but she does require care and patience. The longer she is here the more I realize how much other people do for their parents; our situation is hardly unique--except for the character of the matriarch--and there are lots of people providing needed care for lots of beloved family members. Some of those caretakers do it at great personal cost.

Our family is not against institutions per se but there is a quid pro quo in every situation that must be considered. Would my mother-in-law benefit if she was in a retirement home? I don't know. We take her out almost daily, lunches out regularly, shopping weekly and company at all meals; I don't think a home could do that. Is my mother-in-law happy? That, too, I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if she has ever been happy but that does not mean I think she is unhappy here. I believe she would be no different in another situation. If she becomes ill again, we'll consider the doctor's advice and make our choices then. My full-time job is the role of a mother; so, depending on how I feel, I will make the decision as to how much care I am able to provide should the matriarch need more. Currently, my husband works full-time with overtime hours; although, come March, he will be reducing his hours to assist with his mother. My husband used to say he fell in love with me for my vast earning potential; unfortunately, none of my work is financially compensated and my husband may be the only one who truly values my labour. Does it matter? Well, I have to be able to look in the mirror and know I tried my best, if not always successfully, to provide care for my family. And, really, if I cannot be satisfied with my own opinion, no one else's matters. Lastly, and I kid you not, the grocery list for this week includes more sugar, brown and white, Werther's caramels, both kinds long and round, and the decision to buy four bags of chips every week from now on. I have no idea where the woman puts it all but she gets it in there....