More Talk About Death

The matriarch has forgotten she has lived with an irregular heart beat for forty years; they used to send her for sonograms and to specialists until she hit seventy and then the doctor in charge stopped the activity. Obviously, my mother-in-law has a good, strong heart. We are always dreading the inevitable because she is so BORED not because she is ill; I wish the woman would make an effort to do something rather than relying on me all the time. After yesterday's sympathy, today, I am exasperated.

The matriarch has decided she wants to be cremated; apparently, this was decided years ago when she made her will and made her decision legally binding. Did I mention last time the matriarch was ill, I prepaid her funeral? Have I mentioned we own a burial site? My husband bought it when his father died. Have I mentioned the matriarch knew this when she changed her will and neglected to tell me? This is why families go crazy. When she does die, I will have to arrange her cremation despite owning a burial site. The matriarch has offered to change her will but she really would prefer to be cremated. What an awkward discussion. It lead to her worries about her heart and then to the realization she will live until she dies. Obviously.

My husband asked me to arrange everything because he anticipates not taking her death well; and, now, I feel caught up in situations with which I do not want to deal. But, worse, there is this surreal undercurrent that is similar to planning a party. The matriarch doesn't care if certain members of her family, some nieces and nephews, come to her funeral and she wants her death publicized in some papers and not others. I have actually discussed catering the reception after her death with her. She cares in a an absentee host sort of way. What a weird discussion.