Babysitting and the 100 year old Woman

My oldest child is 14 but it is very rare I leave all three children alone in the house with my mother-in-law; it's not that I don't think she can't manage them, they are very good children, but I don't want them to worry about her dying.  It is not a nice thought.  But I don't want my children to be the ones to find the matriarch deceased.  It is a very real possibility and I don't want it to happen.  I also don't want my husband to find his mother dead; I don't want it to be me, either, but the reality is better me than anyone else.  So, I don't get out much and my husband and I very rarely get out together; my parents can cover but, then, the matriarch is aware and wonders why I don't leave the children with her.  And, that is an awkward conversation....

I went to the movies last night with some friends and my parents took the children to their evening activities and brought them home.  My mother-in-law wasn't happy.  She knows, for some reason, I won't leave the children alone with her at night.  I don't think it has occurred to her that she could die and that might not be pleasant for the children.  We anticipate dying but people don't actually think of the mechanics of their death; it can be a bit gross.  When I pre-paid for the mother-in-law's funeral last year, I realize I may have been jumping the gun, the lady I dealt with told me what to expect.  Most seniors my mother-in-law's age die in their sleep; it is a pleasant way to die but the body empties out and there is a smell and a person who has died in their sleep can mean the blood drains to the back and their colour is strange. We are not to call 911 if the matriarch dies; we are to call the police, they will call the coroner and the funeral home.  It is not an emergency.  I feel so prepared and, yet, I don't think the matriarch is going to die soon.  I mean she could, but I don't think she will, but I live as though she might.  Hence, no babysitting.  And, as a result of all this preparedness, I try very hard never to leave the children alone with the matriarch for extended periods of time.  It can be very draining...

When I heard the last Canadian veteran of the first World War was still alive at 111, I nearly cried; I don't want to live this way for another 13 years.  My husband and I may not get out again together till I am in my fifties!!  But, then, I think it's not so bad; it could be worse.  Everything could be worse.  If this is the way life is to be, I can still look in the mirror and not feel so badly.  My children are learning compassion and patience.  They will be decent people; of that, I am assured.  That makes it worthwhile.  Plus, my husband and I like each other; stress like this kills relationships and you either laugh or cry but struggle to endure.  Struggling together is a rare adventure people appreciate; if I have to do this, I am glad I have to do it with him.  Now, I need to end this on a happy note.  For all my talk of not leaving the children with the mother-in-law, I am about to sneak out to get milk before the children get up.  The matriarch has had breakfast and my husband is sleeping, so, technically, the children are not alone; I'll nip out and get the milk and not tell the matriarch.  I know she'd want to come with me because she is out of potato chips and Werther's caramels and, yesterday, when I took her for her drive, she wanted to pick up some chocolate bars....I don't think anyone believes me about the sugar...until they see her eat!