Colm Feore and Last Chances

Stratford was magnificent; it was rejuvenating to get away with my husband and my children and to not be worried.  It was liberating for all of us.  In a way, it was a relief for my mother-in-law, too.  It wasn't quite so pleasant for her but she was forced to combat some truths in her time away that must be a relief for her to acknowledge.

The matriarch's sister-in-law told her she couldn't visit again till spring; she takes too great a toll on her sister-in-law.  I think the matriarch was bit surprised by this.  Her sister-in-law has had cancer recently and her husband is suffering the early stages of Alzheimer's; dealing with a 98 year old is too much.  I didn't know about the husband when we sought this excursion for the matriarch.  Originally, the plan had been for a day visit but the mother-in-law wanted 3 days; I finally asked the sister-in-law for an overnight and she agreed to welcome the matriarch overnight.  But, over the course of the visit, my husband's Aunt told his mother she asked a lot of people.  I know the matriarch was upset when she came home.  She was upset she couldn't stay longer; she was upset she couldn't do another visit; she was upset her sister-in-law made it clear she would take care of her husband and not my mother-in-law in the future.  Only someone who has known the matriarch for so long could talk to her this way and get away with it.  I don't think my mother-in-law has ever thought of what she asks of people, demands of them.  My poor husband has been there for her his whole life and he has never been good enough and his Aunt told the matriarch he is as good as it ever will get.  And, she's got it pretty good.

The trip also tired her out; the matriarch spent most of the day sleeping and went to bed early.  I surmise the matriarch has never seen her life as someone else's burden; I don't know what gives meaning to life but being waited on all the time can hardly be pleasant in the long run.  I don't even know if one could argue it is her way of having control, some sort of independence; the matriarch has always seen people in terms of her need, even when she was much younger.  It only occurred to me, after listening to the matriarch's annoyance at her sister-in-law's remarks, that my earliest visits to her occurred when she needed to go to the Doctor's for a lady's complaint.  They were always for her to do something.  I feel so rejuvenated right now I can express pity and not resentment.