The Problem with Age

This is not a very nice post.  Granted, we are supposed to take care of the aged and granted they have earned the right to say what they feel and to be treated with respect, but at what point does care and concern become servitude?  My mother-in-law is getting in the habit of waiting for her breakfast at the table; silently, she expects me to accommodate her and then rushes upstairs to be in her room.  Therein, she eats potato chips, Werther's caramels and fruit all morning.  She does it sneakily, hiding candies under her robe when the children or I come into her room.  It's not like we can't see what she is doing.  But what makes the selfishness worse is the lunchtime adventures; today, we hit Montana's, her new favourite bistro.  I have stopped ordering meals and even the children are tired of the weekly outing, but the matriarch wanted to be thanked as if she was doing us a favour by treating this time.  I want to say she is being generous, because she is, and I want to feel she is being kind, because she is, but in my heart, I know we go out because the matriarch wants the trip.

Today, to make matters worse, she told me she would rather have the doggy-bag than my cooking.  I didn't say anything.  I am learning to bite my tongue without hurting myself.  Cooking is a sensitive issue here because I am not a good cook; in my kitchen, there are easily 50 cookbooks and I do try to improve.  But, honestly, I don't like cooking.  My husband is a much better cook, but one of us has to work; so the family gets along on my cooking and the children's fantastic baking (he taught them).  And, the matriarch knows this.  So, when she is being vindictive for whatever reason, she aims for my sore spot.  I used to have this image of a kind and tender granny but my mother-in-law is not living up to it and it is my problem; she has no problems with her self.   After 98 years, one would think not.  But I wonder when that moment happens when the old become cared for instead of being the carers; and if they ever appreciate the assistance.  Some do, I guess, and some don't.  It just it isn't fair if you happen to live with the latter.

Yes, I know this is my vindictiveness being public about all this; but, could you tell your partner this sort of stuff about his/ her parent?  And, friends, kind as they are, get sick of it.  I get sick of it and it's not all bad.  She can be very good to the children.  She can be very good to my husband and to me.  But, then she says things like, "They put on a very good Thanksgiving Dinner at the church--why can't we go there?"

p.s. I am not a good cook does not mean I am a bad cook, more mediocre and my husband does the turkey!