Fall

My mother-in-law fell today.  She did not fall down the house stairs or the porch but lost her balance trying to get in the van.  The matriarch landed on her backside, rolled herself over and got up without help.  I was panicked and she refused my help.  There was no blood, no bruises, and she still wanted to go for her drive.  So, I took her.  All day, I have been consumed with guilt; I should have parked the van better; I should hold her arm when she walks; I should make sure there is nothing, ever, in her way.  There are all these things I should be doing better and I am so scared.  Right now, she is up in her room watching Jeopardy per usual and I think I am annoying her with the constant checking.  My husband wants to know what I am looking for...If the shock was too much, she dies; if the shock was not, she lives; if it's time for her to die, she will.  I think he's a bit callous considering this woman is his mother; but, he is also very realistic, it was only a fall, not a broken bone, not a sprain, not a dizzy spell, not one of any number of things that people, not just seniors, face everyday.