Indestructible and Independent

Well, my mother-in-law seems fine.  The fall didn't do anything but shake her up-a bit.

There is a reality with my mother-in-law I have to confront and some people do not understand: my mother-in-law is 98, she has minor dementia--she is not incapable of independent decisions.  The little things I may complain about are the habits she has developed over the course of her ninety-eight years.  Some of them would be annoying whatever her age and some of them are a consequence of choices she has made.  For example, my mother-in-law has no teeth; she chose to have them pulled out when she was in her late seventies.  I haven't a clue why she chose to have them pulled out but I do know she hates spitting food out, resents the fact nothing is tender enough for her and will not admit she can not eat solid food comfortably.  I think a ninety-eight year old woman still has an ego and she might regret having removed her teeth; I don't know.  But it is not like I can feed her soft foods like oatmeal and soup all the time--she doesn't like it.  This morning I asked the matriarch if she would like oatmeal; it is a winter breakfast; she was having none of it.  Old people are old but still people and I think it is arrogant for me to think I can just arrange her life so she can be more comfortable.  My mother-in-law knows I could do that.  The most difficult thing to cope with is the paradox of the situation: the matriarch wants to be more comfortable but she doesn't want to lose her independence and the right to make choices.  Maybe that is at the heart of her decision to come here; things are never so one-sided; my mother-in-law has not given up the right to have an opinion, to change her mind, to comment on the food, to want to go out, to eat the kind of food she likes; to still have dreams to go to Alaska....